Bereaved Parents Wish List I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her/him back.
Y
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
Y
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Y
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
Y
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child; my favorite topic of the day.
Y
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
Y
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
Y
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I will always grieve that she is gone.
Y
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself. Y
I don't want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
Y
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
Y
When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
Y
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Y
Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Y
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I will never be that person again. Y I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and my grief. But.... I pray daily that you will never understand.
IF I KNEW / SELMA FLYNN If I knew it would be the last time
I'd see you fall asleep,
I'd tuck you in more tightly,
And pray your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd see you walk out the door,
I'd hug you and kiss you--and call you
Back for just one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
We'd spare a minute or two,
I'd stop and say "I love you,"
Instead of assuming you know I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd be there to share your day,
I wouldn't wait until tomorrow,
Letting time with you slip away.
For surely there is a tomorrow
To make up for an oversight,
And we'll always get a second chance
To make everything all right.
There will always be another chance
To say our "I love yous,"
And certainly there's another chance
To say our "What I can dos."
But just in case I might be wrong,
And today is all I get,
I'd like to say I love you,
And hope you never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
Young or old alike,
And today might be your last chance
To hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
Why not do it all today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
You will surely regret the day
You didn't take the extra time
For a smile or hug or kiss.
And you surely aren't too busy to grant
What may be their last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
And whisper in their ear;
Tell them how much you love them,
And that you'll always hold them dear.
Take the time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Forgive me," or "It's okay,"
And if tomorrow never comes,
You'll have no regrets about today.
Remember that if you don't tell your loved ones how you feel, they have no way of knowing. Take the time right now to send this to all the people in your life who you care about.
I'LL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN / SELMA FLYNN I'll See You In Heaven
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for the little time we had together. Now I'm on my way to Heaven, and without you, it will seem forever.
As I strolled through Heaven's Gates, I was greeted by a Heavenly Host. They said, "Follow us, oh, little one. We will show you who loves you most."
"Look through Heaven's portals." As I gazed through the portal looking down... there you stood, Mom and Dad with a bright light all around.
Now, I know you are not alone. I saw Jesus by your side He will help you with all your sorrow. With you, He will always abide.
I asked our Lord, here in Heaven, as He sat me on His knee, "Please, when it's time for you both to come, that your souls will again be with me."
I know it's hard for you to understand that my time here on earth was so very short. But, always keep me in your memories As we keep our love alive in each other's heart.
Look toward the heavens. You will see my star shining bright. Thank God for all our your blessings I'll visit you in your dreams each night.
I love you more than when you gave me birth. And, I thank you for the life, to me, you gave. A crown of pearls is waiting for each of you. For, my soul you gave to Him to save.
Blessings & care Derek / Jane Einarson (I care ) Hello Derek, some more gingerbread for you. Thinking about you & your family this season with love & respect. Please watch over them. God Bless XXXOOO
A Thought from Gratefulness.org / Jane Singletary (Paternal Aunt ) "Perhaps they are not stars in the sky,but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy..."
FOREVER CHANGED / SELMA Forever Changed*
Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions.. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore. But I do cry! When everyone has gone - when it is safe- the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep. You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude. But I am not strong, I feel that I have lost control; and I panic when I think about tomorrow.... next week.... next year. I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the death of my loved one. But I'm not "over" it. If I get overit, I will be the same as before my loved one died. I will never be the same.
At times I think I am beginning to heal , but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart. I visit my neighbors. You tell me that you're glad to see I'm holding up so well. But I'm not holding up well. Sometimes I want to lock the door and hide from the world. I spend time with my friends, I seem calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self" But I will never be back to my "old self". Death and grief, have touched my life.... and I am changed forever.
WEEP WITHIN ME / SELMA Weep, weep within me, darling. There's release In tears, in sorrow, in love that brings such pain. You live inside of me, so rest in peace.
I know that like a sea you cannot cease To crash against my heart, again, again. Weep, weep within me, darling. There's release
From all the cruelty of your short lease, The unimagined hell of the self-slain. You live inside of me, so rest in peace.
I was cut off from you and could not piece Together bows that lay beyond your rain. Weep, weep within me, darling. There's release
In knowing that your love, like magic fleece, Will warm me through the winters that remain. You live inside of me, so rest in peace.
My love for you, dear son, will increase As more and more your will I will unchain. Weep, weep within me, darling: there's release. You live inside of me, so rest in peace.
USEFUL CHART / Melissa Smith (grieving Mom) (none)
HANDY LITTLE CHART - God has a positive answer:
BIBLE VERSES You say: "It's impossible" God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27) You say: "I'm too tired" God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30) You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34 ) You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15) You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6) You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13) You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8) You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 ) You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1) You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19) You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7) You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7) You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30) You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) Thinking of you and Your Angel, Melissa http://blakemoore.memory-of.com
A GUARDIAN ANGEL / SELMA FLYNN BOBBO.MEMORY-OF.COM (friend) A GUARDIAN ANGEL
A guardian angel
Flew down from above,
To teach me a lesson
About the powers of love.
She whispers to me,
Take a hold of my hand,
There are so many things
I wish you to understand.
About the powers of love,
And all it can do,
To someone who needs
To share it with you.
A pat on the back,
A kind smile on your face,
Can make someone's life,
A much brighter place.
It doesn't take much,
To show someone you care,
To give them the love,
God gave you to share.
So please keep in mind,
All the powers you possess,
To grace someone's life,
When they're in distress.
You've been put on this earth
To bestow the powers of love,
And with those final words,
She disappeared up above.
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